May 29, 2007

Sir Oliver Cromwell II

Beloved companion and friend of Hannah and Stephen Howell

passed after a brief illness.

He will be sorely missed.

OLIVER'S MEMORIAL PAGE

THE LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF AN EXTREMELY DISTINGUISHED CAT

I, SIR OLIVER CROMWELL III (familiarly known to my family, friends, and acquaintances as Oliver), because the burden of my years and infirmities is heavy upon me, and I realize the end of my life is near, do hereby bury my last will and testament in the mind of my Master. He will not know it is there until after I am dead. Then, remembering me in his loneliness, he will suddenly know of this testament, and I ask him then to inscribe it as a memorial to me.

I have little in the way of material things to leave. Cats are wiser than men. They do not set great store upon things. They do not waste their days hoarding property. They do not ruin their sleep worrying about how to keep the objects they have, and to obtain the objects they have not. There is nothing of value I have to bequeath except my love and my faith. These I leave to all those who have loved me, to my Master and Mistress, who I know will mourn me most, to Sam who has been so good to me, to Keir and Beth and Benjamin and Jennifer and -- But if I should list all those who have loved me, it would force my Master to write a book. Perhaps it is vain of me to boast when I am so near death, which returns all beasts and vanities to dust, but I have always been an extremely lovable cat.

I ask my Master and Mistress to remember me always, but not to grieve for me too long. In my life I have tried to be a comfort to them in time of sorrow, and a reason for added joy in their happiness. It is painful for me to think that even in death I should cause them pain. Let them remember that while no cat has ever had a happier life (and this I owe to their love and care for me), now that I have grown blind and deaf and lame, and even my sense of smell fails me so that a mouse could be right under my nose and I might not know, my pride has sunk to a sick, bewildered humiliation. I feel life is taunting me with having over-lingered my welcome. It is time I said good-bye, before I become too sick a burden on myself and on those who love me. It will be sorrow to leave them, but not a sorrow to die. Cats do not fear death as men do. We accept it as part of life, not as something alien and terrible which destroys life. What may come after death, who knows? I would like to believe with those my fellow Felines  that there is a Paradise where one is always young and frisky; where all the day one dillies and dallies with an amorous multitude of lovely feline nymphs, beautifully furred; where mice that run fast but not too fast; where each blissful hour is mealtime; where in long evenings there are a million fireplaces with logs forever burning, and one curls oneself up and blinks into the flames and nods and dreams, remembering the old brave days on earth, and the love of one's Master and Mistress.

I am afraid this is too much for even such a cat as I am to expect. But peace, at least, is certain. Peace and long rest for weary old heart and head and limbs, and eternal sleep in the earth I have loved so well. Perhaps, after all, this is best.

One last request I earnestly make. I have heard my Mistress say, "When Oliver dies we must never have another cat. I love him so much I could never love another one." Now I would ask her, for love of me, to have another. It would be a poor tribute to my memory never to have a cat again. What I would like to feel is that, having once had me in the family, now she cannot live without a cat! I have never had a narrow jealous spirit. I have always held that most cats are good (and one dog, the brown one I have permitted on occasion to share the living room rug during the evenings, whose affection I have tolerated in a kindly spirit, and in rare sentimental moods, even reciprocated a trifle). Some cats, of course, are better than others. So I suggest an mixed breed cat as my successor. He can hardly be as well bred or as well mannered or as distinguished and handsome as I was in my prime. My Master and Mistress must not ask the impossible. But he will do his best, I am sure, and even his inevitable defects will help by comparison to keep my memory green. To him I bequeath my collar and my catnip toys.

One last word of farewell, Dear Master and Mistress. Whenever you visit my grave, say to yourselves with regret but also with happiness in your hearts at the remembrance of my long happy life with you: "Here lies one who loved us and whom we loved". No matter how deep my sleep I shall hear you, and not all the power of death can keep my spirit from purring.

Sir Oliver Cromwell III

May 29th 2007

p.s.  Dear Shadow do not grieve, I will always be with you.  I'll be back.....one way or another. 

May 21st, 2007

Well, there is no update this month on those fiendish feline outlaws.  Billy the Kitty and gang are still on the lam.

So, Lady Hannah decided that I needed a break from my sleuthing and we went to the Aquarium in Boston.  I must say, it was a remarkable experience.  As a feline extraordinaire, I adore fish and if you look at the Holiday Page you will see us in the glass tube with all the scrumpish fishes swimming around us, just waiting to be eaten.  Unfortunately, I am sad to say that I was unable to sample any of the delicious seafood.  There were these pesky guards everywhere thwarting my snacking.  Also, Lady Hannah kept a tight grip on my person (how rude!) and wouldn't allow me to explore with dignity.  Lady Hannah and I are going to have a long discussion regarding proper feline/human protocol.

Til next month, ta ta

Sir Oliver Crowell, III

April 21st, 2007

HHHHEEEELLLLOOOO  to Kimberly from Arizona

Thank you so much Luv for your delightful email and photo evidence of  Bubba drowning his sorrows in a bar,

unfortunately the police were too late to apprehend the fiend

Billy the Kitty was spotted by Susan in North Dakota at a bus station She attempted to catch him as he fled into the snow

He got away

Smoozy was seen by Bridget from Chicago in the 1st Class lounge at O'Hare Airport,

but since she was flying economy, she was unable to get the bloody ........ criminal

With all your help, I feel assured Billy the Kitty and gang will be caught soon.  Keep your eyes open and keep those emails coming.

Oliver Cromell III

March 21st, 2007

MY MOOOST WANTED

Billy the Kitty and Gang

Billy the Kitty , Orange Tabby, Black Hat, Black Boots

Quickest paw in the West

Smoozy, Cream Siamese, Blue Boots

Mouse impersonator

Bubba, Grey Tabby, Brown Boots

Dog collaborator

I am on the hunt for these three bandits, their treason will not be ignored.  I will not rest until they are caught.  Any information as to their whereabouts should be forwarded to My Lady Hannah.  A reward is offered for their capture, 1 pound of catnip and 50 cans of sardines.

Thank you for your public service

Sir Oliver Cromwell the third thanks you

February 21st, 2007

I so love Lent.  Everyone is always having fish.  In fact it is my favorite time of the year.  I will have to be careful when I sneak out of the house to check out the neighborhood trash cans.  There is a very sly fox in the area who is also very fond of fish.  I will have to be quick, stealthy, well...I will have to be myself. 

Naturally, fish and chips is my favorite.  Then there are kippers.  Not that I would turn up my nose at tuna (even in the can).  But salmon is exquisite.  Caviar wouldn't be bad (not that I have had any since Moscow).  Halibut, trout, perch...oh I go on and on and on.  However, I do not eat scallops, crab or clams (usually).  Lobster is quite acceptable.  Living in New England is lovely with such easy access to seafood.

Oh dear.  Must rush off.  That greedy fox in coming out of the woods.  Well, I have to go now.  Must hurry.

Ta, Ta,

Sir Oliver Cromwell III, Lord of Seafood and Crumpets

January 21st, 2007

Happy New Year!

Lady Hannah are on a little virtual trip to Scotland.  We are starting off at my castle. "My Grandfather" inherited this castle from a Duke, whose life he saved.  I will not say where this castle is in Scotland (Don't fancy the tourists, you know).  We are doing a tour of all the ghostly places in Scotland.  Did you know that Scotland is the most haunted place in the world.  So we are going to be very busy. 

Ta Ta

Sir Oliver Cromwell III

P.S.  Thank you Kristie, I am very pleased that you liked the pudding recipe.

December 21st, 2006

Happy Holidays,

     I thought you would like my favorite pudding recipe.  Now this is a dessert.  Let me know how  you like it.

November 15, 2005

    Next week I will be reviewing 2 of Lady Howells previous books, but I wanted to share a couple of emails I received.

October 31, 2005

Oliver Cromwell, you one-eyed fur ball, I have bone to pick with you!  How dare you call my mistress a "web witch".  Them be fighting words.  You pick the time, the place and we'll duke it out.

                                        Kingsley, Number 1 Rat Terrier

November 1, 2005

In response.  Firstly,  regarding the title "Web Witch", if the name fits, wear it.  Secondly.  Duels only take place among gentlemen and there is only one of us who qualifies.  Thirdly.  No self respecting gentleman would be caught dead in a holey orange doggy sweater.  I would strongly recommend a fashion consultant.

Sir Oliver Cromwell III, "gentleman & rat catcher"

             'Then I received a delightful email from Lord Ferguson.'

November 1, 2005

It is with great joy I read your dispatches from the colonies and I am truly glad that my Lady Howell is once again enjoying good health. On her most recent visit to the old country she was privileged to sit with me upon her knee and, dare I say, we conversed on a level to which I am not used, as the humans who share my humble abode are shallow beings who care more for the rumblings of the internal combustion engine, than the hopes and dreams of a gentleman cat of the Derbyshire Dales. I must report that currently in Blighty, it being just before Guy Fawkes night, the fireworks are exceedingly loud. Of course, I am not frightened by such childish things, however, I have noticed that the underside of the bench in the cellar could do with some attention and I shall raise this with the aforementioned humans when I come out.

Sincerely yours,

Lord Ferguson

Dear Lord Ferguson,

It is marvelous to hear from Mother England.    I have such fond memories of the Derbyshire Dales.  I remember the last time I was there, I was with a slinky, sultry Abyssinian - ah, but, that's a story for another time.  Yes indeed Lady Howell has an excellent lap and a sympathetic ear.  I do miss Guy Fawkes Night, spilt beer, food flowing from the tables and warm bonfires.  What is it with humans and firecrackers.  They have no respect for the keen hearing of a natural hunter.  Keep in touch old chap, til next time, Cherrio!

Sincerely yours,

October 2005

Gordon Bennett!  I fear I have startling news.  But first, I would like to assure a concerned public that Lady Hannah Howell is now home and, delightfully, on the road to full recovery. 

To be sure, I am utterly frazzled. On September 27^th, 2005 at 4:15pm. Lady Hannah collapsed to the floor complaining of indigestion and lightheadedness.  I rushed in to provide assistance when that blasted Web Mistress (whom I refuse to name!) pushed me out of the way.  She attempted to assist Lady Hannah (although I could have done so much better).  She called 911 and wandered around like an idiot getting in my way each time I attempted to assist.  Then these enormous men came in bristling with equipment, showing no respect for the resident attack cat.  Namely-moi.  Lady Hannah was awake the entire time, and speaking in her charming gentle voice.  When I became aware that these men were going to take M’Lady away, I immediately went into full action.  I knew I couldn’t stop all eight of them, so I did the next best thing.  After all my time in Her Majesty's Service, I kept a few trinkets of the trade.  I placed a whisker-bugging device in M’Lady’s hair.  As the men were leaving with M’Lady, I attempted to follow, but that blasted Web Mistress was doing the basketball dodge play preventing my progress.  I plastered myself to the window as they drove away and then I pretended to forgive the Web Mistress (Ha!  On a cold day in Hades!) and planted another whisker bug on her as well. 

Hence, I can now only share what I heard.  Lady Hannah was quiet in the ambulance, which concerned me, and the medical people speak a language, which unfortunately I am not privy to.  The Web Mistress was attempting to call Lord Howell on her cell phone as she followed the ambulance.  She at least had the sense to leave a cryptic note on the door, which would not upset his Lordship. 

I could tell that the medical people at the hospital were taking good care of  M’Lady, because they said they were going to put her in a pain free state with something called morphine.  (I must say, I wish she had brought some of that home with her, I could have used something to settle my nerves).  Some time went by when I heard Lord Howell drive up and then drive screamingly away.  A short time later I heard his voice at M’lady’s side.  My word the hospital people said then they were sending her to Boston on a helicopter!   

My delightful Lady Howell rallied and said, “How lovely, I have never been on a helicopter before!”  They whipped her onto the helicopter and took off.  Then Lady Howell asked,  “Can I look out the window?”  They let her and gave her more of the morphine stuff and oxygen.  As she got to Boston, they took her straight away to somewhere with cardiac doctors, but their equipment was interfering with the bug.  All I can tell you is the procedure they did, worked and M’Lady was so much better that they let her come home on Saturday, October 1^st.   Each day she got better and better.  That Web Mistress (Web Witch!) came here every day and drove her to the store and did things for her.    Lady Hannah was miffed that she wasn’t able to drive her new car.  She is also extraordinarily annoyed that she can’t have potato chips or caffeine.  I personally don’t understand.  It’s not like she can’t have tuna or catnip.  It must be a quirky passion of humans.    I also noted how happy Lady Hannah was when she found out that Highland Conqueror (the book with dogs) won the 2005 Golden Leaf Award from the New Jersey Romance Writers.   

For all you fans, I remain your humble servant; I need a drink of catnip tea.  My delicate nerves, y'know.

PS:  I now have my own email address: oliverscorner@comcast.net  I will forward any of your good wishes to M’Lady      personally.

September 2005

Scotland at Spring's height,

Vampires darting in the night,

Shape shifters dancing in the light.

A glorious tale, a feline’s delight.

                                                             Oliver Cromwell III 

Highland Vampire's “Kiss of the Vampire”, Lady Hannah Howell's latest story, is magnificent.  I must admit, I am in love.  Ah, Efrica.  Even her name is exotic.  Long, thick, golden hair, golden skin and amber eyes.  Most definitely a tabby of the human world.  She purrs.  She hisses.  She growls.  She can see in the dark, hear the whisper of bird’s wings. All are remnants of her ancient ancestor, a Celtic priestess shape shifter.  (I would love to learn more about that).   

Then we have Jankyn MacNachton, who loves flowers and gardens and retreats to caves.  Golden eyes of a predator, elegant features, deep black hair, long straight nose, high cheekbones, firm jaw.  If it wasn’t for the fact that he is not feline, this could be me.  I found Jankyn such a sympathetic figure.  Vampires are thought to be creatures of the night.  So misunderstood.  Felines can understand that completely.  We, too, have been called Demons and persecuted. 

The story is an adventure full of hunts, intrigue, mystery and secrets.  The hero and heroine dance around each other, fighting their urge to mark each other as mates. Ah!  Reminds me of my youth.  I give it thumbs up and up.  A wonderful read.  In fact, I will have to read Lady Hannah’s other two stories about Vampires; I will let you know if they are a great as this story is.  Ta! Ta! 

 With Deepest Regards, 

P.S.  In response to Günter, the Great Dane from Yonkers, New York--I did not lose my head in that picture.  I was shading it under the step.  Your comment about my appearance was very cheeky, simply not worth repeating.

August 2005

By George!  Lady Hannah Howell was on the USA Today Best Sellers List for 5 weeks.  I am duly impressed.  I have no doubt that I had a paw in that.  After all, I did review Highland Conqueror.  I think I had one too many naps last month.  Perhaps just one more short rest before work.  So, next month I will review Highland Vampire.  Oh my, I almost forgot, pop into the new "News" page to find out where Lady Hannah will be and read about the new monthly contest!  Ta!Ta!

July 2005 

     Oh Great Goddess Bast!   Sultry heat, chilling cold, soggy rain and monster mosquitoes.  I do not have much to say except, I had no idea the fireworks were that loud!  Fourth of July bellows.  I must admit that I am in love with a new delightful dessert.  I had no idea that marshmallows were so wonderful, light and comforting.  However, I have eaten far too many.  I do not feel too well.  I think I shall go lay in the sun.  I think I should go to sleep.  I will converse with you next month.  Ta!Ta!